A POCKET LAPSE. --------------- Script written by A.J. Freda, Jason Butz and Johnny Wallbank. Based only slightly on a dream that Sonikku had. (And who now wishes he didn't...) (We begin at the Chicago airport, where Tails is waiting for Mach to come, so they can go to their vaction in England to visit Sonikku. Tails glances down at his watch. TAILS: ...He's late! (Just then, Mach arrives!) MACH: Sorry I'm late, are we all set? TAILS: You bet! (Tails walks through the metal detector, which goes off... Fade out.) TAILS: Oops! *Throws chainsaw away* Okay! (We cut to the plane, which has just taken off, Tails is fiddling with his laptop) MACH: You do realize that those are prohibited on the plane, right? TAILS: Nonsense! Who put that idea in your head?... (presses a button, the plane wobbles) MACH: The sterward. TAILS: Ah.. uh, sorry... heh... heh... (Fade out. A few hours later...) TAILS: Hey! Isn't that Birmingham? STEWARDESS: We will be arriving in London in 30 minutes. All passengers fasten your seat belts. Thanks for flying! TERRORIST: I'VE GOT A BOMB! (The passengers are terrified and SHOCKED!) PASSENGERS: HE'S GOT A BOMB!!! TERRORIST: A really really big bomb! PASSENGERS: AAAAHHH! HE'S GOT A REALLY REALLY BIG BOMB!!! TERRORIST: A Hunky Dunky Supersize Big Mac Really Really Big Bomb! PASSENGERS: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! HE'S GOT A HUNKY DUNKY SUPERSIZE BIG MAC REALLY REALLY BIG BOMB!!!!! TAILS: Which jerk wrote the script? MACH: Never mind that, which jerk had the dream in the first place? TAILS: Sonikku's messed up...hehe. HEY! I know how I can stop this crazy terrorist person! (Tails turns his laptop on again. The engines burn out) MACH: Tails! You made the engines quit! TAILS: Oooh.. That's BAD, isn't it?....Come on! (The plane begins to fall down, Tails makes for the back of the plane and jumps out) TAILS: Geronimo!!! MACH: (Falling with him) Uh, what are we going to do for parachutes? TAILS: This, silly! (Flies, and airlifts Mach) MACH: Oh... OK. (The plane crashes down, and we see a huge apocalyptic explosion. TAILS: Wow! That really was a Hunky Dunky Super- MACH: Shut up Tails. (We cut to the ground) TAILS: Everything's.... MACH: Devastated! TAILS: Hey! Look! (Reads sign) We're in Sonikku's hometown! MACH: Do you think that's Sonikku's house? TAILS: You mean the one that's still standing? MACH: Yeah. Let's find out! (We cut to Sonikku's house) (Tails knocks on the door, a furious Sonikku answers the door) SONIKKU: For the last time, I couldn't care less if you're in our area and offering double- glazed... oh, hi guys! Come on i--- BUGGER ME, WHAT HAPPENED OUT HERE?! TAILS: Well, you see... (Fast forward rapid explanation) SONIKKU: ...So that's it. I was so busy playing SRB2 I never noticed... but... everything's gone... MACH: Let's order a pizza! TAILS: We can't! There's no pizza place left standing, not to mention British Telecom isn't around anymore! MACH: *Ignores Tails and dials* Hey! There's no dialtone! Something must be wrong with British Telecom! SONIKKU: WHAT? We must go there and find out what's going on! TAILS: But... But... Can't we play SRB2 first? MACH: ...OK! But only for a few minutes, OK? SONIKKU: Yay! (We see intense SRB2 gameplaying for the next few seconds, in fast-forwarded motion we see the days fly by...) TAILS: OK. I'm bored now. MACH: Me too. And hungry. Let's save the world so we can have pizza again! SONIKKU: Let's go! (Sonikku, Tails, and Mach hop in a car) TAILS: Wow! Nice sports car! SONIKKU: What? MACH: This is pretty nice... SONIKKU: My dad doesn't HAVE a sportscar... he has an old Vauxh... MACH: ...So? Who cares? SONIKKU: Good point, let's go! MACH: Here we are, sitting in the car. I want you to show me if you can get far! Step on the gas! TAILS: Step on the gas! (The car drives off) SONIKKU: If I knew better, I'd say British Telecom's HQ would be in London! MACH: Right! London, here we go! (An intersection) MACH: Check, and turn the signal to the right. TAILS: Check, and turn the signal to the right! MACH: LOOK OUT! TAILS: Look out... Look Out?!? ALL: AAAAAAAAUGH! JOSHKNUX: Hi, guys! SONIKKU: JOSHKNUX? Hey! We're going to see what's wrong with British Telecom! SONIKKU: Want to come? JOSHKNUX: Alright! (cut to British Telecom's HQ) TAILS: Hmm. It's there. Let's go home. SONIKKU: No! Look! There's a light! (The car drives up to the HQ) DAVID BULMER: Oh, I say, what the bugger are you doing here? SONIKKU: Bulmybag! DAVID BULMER: Ahohoho! Good to see you, old chap! *B^D JOSHKNUX: Do you want to help us go in there and destroy BT? DAVID BULMER: Hm... well, I've got a lot of work on the Sonic Ideal to do, you see, so I can't stop lo- (Shrill scream from the top of the tower) DAVID BULMER: Is that... MACH: I think I recognize that face... (We zoom into the top of the tower) SHADOWY FIGURE: Haha! Leave now, or this girl gets it! ABBY: Help me! HELPPP! DAVID BULMER: ABBY! NO! My love... my sweet love... Alright! I'll join you! Let's go! (Dave kicks down a door into the HQ) TAILS: Wow... I never knew he could be this violent... DAVID BULMER: Prepare to die, you bugger. *B^L (Inside BT's HQ) ALARM: WARNING! WARNING! Intruder's detected! (Cut to the 'Big Shadowy Chair!' (tm) ) SHADOWY FIGURE: Muhaha! They've broken into the complex, time to set up the traps! (Cut back to group) TAILS: Looks like we've been spotted! ALARM: ACTIVATING TRAP #0042 NOW... (some gas comes out of a ventilation grate.) MACH: Oh bugger it. SONIKKU: Hey! That's my line you freaky diver! TAILS: Ahohoho! They're being a bit daft really! *B^D! DAVE: Hehe, stop being silleeeeeeeee! JOSHKNUX: What are you all doing?! ALARM: Out of Character Gas... ejected. JOSHKNUX: Oh no! They've all changed into... (We cut to a short scene, like the Sonic Anime, where Sonikku and Mach change over, like Sonic and Metalla, and Tails and David Bulmer change over) JOSHKNUX: I've got save them... somehow. I know! I'll shoot them with this Cheese gun I had in my pocket! MACH: Oh fudge you, you're just a cheap fudgin ripoff, Sonikku. Get lost, tosspot! SONIKKU: Too bad. I'm worshipping cheese. (Cut to huge cheese monument behind him) MACH: DIEEEEE GIT! (Leaps towards Sonikku and fights him, falling onto JoshKnux and making him drop the gun.) JOSHKNUX: Arghhhh --- (gets choked.) TAILS: Abby... I can't - I can't live without you... I'm going to end it. *Grabs the cheesegun and shoots turning him into Tails* TAILS: That was weird... hey! I gotta save the others now! Woooo! (Shoots everyone with the cheese gun) DAVE: Huh? What? Where are we... ah yes, we were going to rescue Abby and restore justice! (We cut again to the 'Big Shadowy Chair!' (tm) ) SHADOWY FIGURE: How did they survive? Oh well.... time for my next plan! ROBOTS! ATTACK! (Cut back to the group, entering a big room, suddenly the door locks behind them and the deadly DoomRobots ATTACK!) SONIKKU: Oh no! The DoomRobots! MACH: No problem! We'll just our special Teng-Koktu-nae-wa powers to stop them! TAILS: Our... what? MACH: ...Just do what the script says. (BGM: Atma Weapon's Theme.) (A huge anime-style battle begins, with the usual LSD-inspired swirling backgrounds as we use stupid kung-fu moves to kick their butts.) (As weapons, Sonikku has a huge 15-foot long katana, Mach has a cheese gun, Tails has a plushie, Dave and Josh fist-fight) DAVE: Well, hohoho, that was a bit easy! *B^D (Suddenly a REALLY, REALLY huge GigaDoomRobot comes out!) SONIKKU: Oh no! A GigaDoomRobot! DAVE: Bloody hell! *B^O MACH: Our powers are useless against this... JOSHKNUX: I have a suggestion! MACH: Hm? JOSHKNUX: Run like headless chickens as if a chainsaw-weilding maniac was chasing us? TAILS: I CAN SIMULATE THAT! *Grabs Chainsaw* ALL: Augh! *Flee from Tails* GIGADOOMROBOT: YOU -- SHALL -- NOT -- PASS! *KRK* (Withdraws millions of weapons, like chainguns, rocket launchers, etc.) YOU -- SHALL -- NO- (We charge straight over him) GIGADOOMROBOT: HEY -- COME -- BACK -- INTRUDERS! (Tails runs over him, chainsaw still going) GIGADOOMROBOT: OH -- FUDGE -- THIS -- I -- DON'T -- GET -- PAID -- ENOUGH (GigaDoomRobot dies. No-one will miss him.) (We cut again to the 'Big Shadowy Chair!' (tm) ) SHADOWY FIGURE: Blast! They're al-- DAVE: YOU! You git! *B^L You kidnapped Abby! SONIKKU: You... you charge us for local calls! JOSHKNUX: You dragged me into this mess with these loonies! MACH: You stopped me from getting my pizza! TAILS: You made me have to animate this thing! SONIKKU: The game's over, Mr... BT presidenty-bloke! (Everyone beats him crapless) SONIKKU: Let's see who's behind this mask! (Sonikku unveils mask) ALL : *Gasp!* JOSHKNUX: It's Louis J.M! MACH : No it's not! He's too moronic to do this sort of thing! (Mach unveils another mask) ALL : *Gasp!* DAVE : It's... Abby? *?^O (Everyone looks at Dave strangely) DAVE : Fair enough. *B^D (Dave unveils another mask) ALL : *Gasp!* SONIKKU: It's Tony Blair! TONY BLAIR: We -- the people -- of -- England -- demand more for -- our country. (Tails pulls off the last mask) ALL : *Gasp!* TAILS : It's Bill Gates! BILL GATES: Yes, and we and Microsoft would of gotten away with it too, if it hadn't of been for you meddling teenagers! SONIKKU: We're meant to try and work out what the EvilPlan (tm) is... but I can't be bothered! Confess Gates! MACH : I could, y'know, it's ea- BILL GATES: I took control of both the computer industry and the telephone industry in England, so I could make millions by charging absurd amounts of money for products/phone calls, offer poor service so people would be on the phone for hours, and offer frequent, yet expensive and even more useless upgrades. DAVE : That's all jolly good, but what about Abby? BILL GATES: Oh, she was just hanging around outside, and I used her as a cheap plot device. DAVE : Oh. Fair enough. Ahohoho! *B^D MACH : Gates! You've ruined the world! BILL GATES: Yes. I hired the terrorist as a cheap plot device too. JOSHKNUX : You mean, it's YOUR fault I was teamed up with these idiots? BILL GATES: Yes. JOSHKNUX : GIT! *Punches him unconsious* MACH : We need to get him back somehow... TAILS : Don't worry, I've got an idea! (Cut to a large locked room) BILL GATES: What's this? MACH : Don't worry. All you have to do is try and type out the document on the table using nothing but Word 97 and Windows 98... and 640k of RAM. BILL GATES: 640k ought to be enough for anyone. MACH : Have fun! ABBY : Oh Dave! DAVE : Oh Abby! *B^D (They're about to hug, when suddenly...) BILL GATES: NOOOOOO! LET ME OUT! I'M SO SORRYYYYYY *Sob*! KILL ME SOMEONE! PLEASE! (Everyone leaves) BILL GATES: You... you may of got me now... but I _WILL_ be back! HAHAHA! NOOOOOO! (We see a blue tinge around the door, as Gates dies of Blue Screen Death...) (Cut to outside of BT HQ) JOSHKNUX: It's over... MACH: Yay! Now we can order pizza, let's go everyone! TAILS: Uh, didn't the world get destroyed? MACH: Who cares. TAILS: I GET TO DRIVE!!! DAVE: We'll be there in a moment... (Everyone goes off) DAVE: Oh, Abby... *B^D finally... (BACKGROUND - TAILS: My foot's stuck to the accelerator...) ABBY: Dave, I knew you'd come... (BACKGROUND - MACH: Oh, that's where I put my bubblegum!) DAVE: Well, shall we get going? *B^D (BACKGRONUD - SONIKKU: You put bubblegum on the acelleratorrrrrrrrr-----!) (Car starts spinning around wildly behind Dave and Abby) ABBY: Just one more thing. DAVE: What? (They're about to kiss, but the car careens straight into them, killing them (again).) TAILS: Oops! Sorry! DAVE: Oh boll- *B^D - ocks... AKKKK! MACH: Tails! WATCH THE ROAD! TAILS: Argh! (Car flies over a bridge) SONIKKU: Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggg- (Cut to Sonikku sweating in bed) SONIKKU: -ghhhhhhh! AHHH! (Looks around, breathing heavily) SONIKKU: Phew... it was just a dream... (Sonikku